Femdom life

Fail Mail

Failure 1 – Male Slave, Missouri, 45:    

Kneeling kissing beautiful Mistress feet

Oh, I am so glad you find the funky toenail on my second toe on my left foot erotic. Most people think it’s freaky, looking more like a claw than a toenail, but you, you think it’s beautiful. I finally feel like a whole person now. Thank you!

Failure 2 – Male Submissive, Georgia, 24: 

Hi would u Domme me baby

Hi would u Fuck off?

Failure 3 – Male Slave, Florida, 26:  

just came across your profile on here and I would like to express my great interest in being considered to become your live in slave.  I realize that we live a ways apart currently (I live in Tallahassee), but I am willing to re-locate if you are interested enough in me.  I am very fit, sane, healthy, and outgoing, but I have a very deep desire to serve as a slave.  I have served locally before for a little while but it was not a good match as she was not my type.  However, from that experience I have gained a lot of real time experience and as a service submissive both domestically and sexually as well as enduring all sorts of bondage, cbt, and some torture.   I am looking to delve much deeper into the lifestyle however and have been ready for some time now.  As far as a vanilla life goes, I have many interests and am well educated and would have no problem finding a job and being productive in your area.  I really hope we can chat, I have no problem giving you my phone number or taking more pics or skyping or whatever you require to prove that I am serious, attractive, and legit.  I hope to hear from you Mistress!.

So much failure. Shall we count the ways? 1) I specifically state on my profile NO COMMITMENT. 2) In the next year, I will have lived in Georgia, New Mexico, and Washington. So.. WHEN are you moving in with me? Will you be building a third bedroom, as Iris and I aren’t sharing, and neither is my daughter. 3) And I’M your type? You know that from just my profile? 4) “In my area.” Which of my three areas would that be, exactly?

Failure 4 – Male Switch, California, 40: 


How are you? How was your week? We should have dinner or a drink sometime.

Failure because this was sent to TWO of my profiles on TWO totally unrelated dating sites – one vanilla-esque, one kink, with no way to link the two of them back to me. So he’s sending this exact message, from the same username, to every.woman.he.writes. See guys, you think we won’t catch on, but WE DO.

Failure 5 – Male Slave, Virginia, 26: 

Wow I literally wish I were 5 or 6 inches tall so I could fit inside your panties while you were wearing them and serve as your human dildo lol 

Wow, I wish you had never learned to use the internet.

5 thoughts on “Fail Mail

  1. What a hilarious, on target post. A relief to know I’m not the only one getting idiotic emails that belong in the Fail Mail” category. Thank you for sharing.


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