Us: Blah blah blah, texting about episodes of Kitchen Nightmares
Me: Quit taunting me with tales of fail. Jerk.
Iris: I also have my shirt off and shorts partly undone as I’m laying on the floor mid getting ready to run.
Me: Oh thaaanks. As if I didn’t want you already, you tease me with THAT mental image.
Iris: You like thinking about me in positions that are accessible to you. Really, at that moment it would take nothing at all to pin me to the floor, and prevent me from going running like I’m doing right now. Love you!
Seriously though, I miss him. It’s really become more than that though. I feel deprived of any intimacy at all. While I’m not a touchy-feely kind of person, in fact I don’t even like to hug friends and family, I miss having *someone* to sit next to on the couch, to share movies with, to just be flirty and cute with. The kind of intimacy you don’t get from family and girl friends; the kind of intimacy I’ve only got for a few days every couple of months. He lets me know daily how much he loves and misses me, but that’s not the same as having someone to say, “Damn, you look good today.”
And don’t even get me started with how much I miss sex. I’ve always had someone I could have sex with. An ex, a friends with benefits, a current boyfriend. Even when I was single, I wasn’t alone. I’m alone for weeks at a time now, and have been for a year. At first it wasn’t bothersome at all, because the last thing I wanted after leaving my ex husband was a boyfriend wanting to be around all the time. When Iris and I became serious, the distance sucked, but it was tolerable. Now? I hate every minute of it. And I’ve got seven more fucking (or fuckless, rather) months before we move in together. There’s not a vibrator in the world that can make up for a real person. Although I certainly have high hopes for my new Lelo.
I am just… lonely. Long distance relationships are hard. I know people say that all the time, but you don’t really get it until you’re in the middle of it. When it’s the weekend and you have no plans, and nothing sounds good because what you really want is to dress up nice and go to dinner with someone that appreciates it, it hits you hard that you are alone. Not the kind of alone where you can get drinks with girl friends, not the kind of alone where you can visit your parents. You know what kind of alone I mean.
I don’t know that I’d advise anyone to not pursue someone who wasn’t local, but I’d certainly suggest they heed the warnings of how hard and lonely it is, and I know I’d never do it again. At least not with someone I need a plane ticket to see.