I’d rejected giving Iris rules for a long time. I felt like they didn’t fit us. Like it was too impersonal. But after months of him thinking he knew what I meant and wanted, and a long conversation about what we both need for this to work, I decided that writing down my expectations of him in the form of guidelines and rules would be a good idea for both of us.
As far as rules go, I think I went pretty light on him. We really don’t do protocols, so there isn’t going to be anything like “greet me at the door kneeling.” Maybe, if he got home before me, and we weren’t going to have a child living with us, I would consider it, but a lot of what we do has to be kid-friendly, or done when alone. With all that in mind, and with my personal preferences for things in mind, I give you the rules for Iris:
1. Text me every morning when you wake up with “Good morning Ma’am” and with “goodnight Ma’am” before you go to bed.
2. You must ask permission to do any of the following: Dress up in rubber or any other deviant item; masturbate; and engage in extracurricular activities that are not work related, such as dinner with a friend or an out of town trip.
3. When asked a direct question, I expect a prompt response to the question unless you let me know you need time to think or are otherwise engaged. I expect the answer to actually make sense. If I ask, “How did you think that was a good idea?” and you answer with, “You’re right,” you are not answering my question. I expect a “how” question to be answered with an explanation of what you did to reach a conclusion. A when question would be answered with some form of time, a why question would be answered with your reasoning, and so on.
4. Be clear and concise when communicating with me, i.e. say “I’m going to work out in 30 minutes” instead of “I’m going to work out in a bit.” Say exactly what you mean and be literal.
5. Continue a conversation/answer questions/make comments in the same venue in which I talked to you. The exception is if you feel we need to talk about something by phone or IM, in which case, clearly state this, and we will either set up a time to talk, or default to our usual evening call.
6. When we are talking via phone, I expect your focus to be on me and nothing else. No tv, xbox, IM, social sites, hobbies, etc. You have plenty of time before and after our conversations to do this. If we are on IM, you can be doing other things, so long as it doesn’t delay your responses to me, and doesn’t cause you to lose focus on our conversation.
7. Shut up. I respect your ideas and opinions. This does not give you the right to argue with me, or tell me what I should think or feel, how I should act, or what I should do. If I have made my position clear, your opinion is neither needed nor wanted. I will ask for it when it is. Remember: I do the thinking.
8. In public, you will phrase questions in a manner that allows me to tell you what I choose for you (Example: “Not sure which beer I should get.”) When in private, questions should start with “May I.”
9. You may only drink diet soda or other alternatives that aren’t full of empty calories. You may have regular soda with dinner, but no more than two, and no more than twice a week.