Femdom and worship / Femdom life

How we became more kinky

Last year, when I started down the path of embracing my dominance and actively looking for a submissive male, I wanted strap on play to be a part of it. However, after talking to male after male who was submissive only that way, I became frustrated and uninterested in it.

Iris and I were both pretty adamant that neither of us wanted that to be a part of our dynamic. I didn’t know at first that he had tried it with an ex (whom we refer to as “the buttpoke girl”) and it just didn’t work with her. The topic of anal sex came up in conversation in late September, after months of not discussing it at all, and it went from there:


 

Yeah, I had an oh crap moment with a girl I dated in kansas, as she talked about “Steve” who was a military police officer.

Now, granted there’s a million Steves out there, and more than one of them is an MP, but one of the guys I graduated with and lost touch with is an MP officer named Steve.  So while she was talking about using a strapon with Steve, needless to say I was a bit worried that my life had gone all too small world on me

I can see how that would be awkward. There’s nothing wrong with liking anal play, but that’s really not something you want to know about.

Yeah.  She’s a nice girl, just her idea of being a domme is strapon based.  And pretty much nothing else.

She wasn’t bad as a girlfriend just really disappointing for my interests in being a submissive.

Yeah, I don’t really get that mentality. It’s kind of like, “You men have fucked women for too long, it’s our turn to fuck you.” That just doesn’t work for me. It’s one thing if it’s done simply for the added pleasure for the guy, it’s another when it’s done because she’s the Domme and that’s what she wants to do and thinks that’s the way to show her control over the sub.

I  don’t know why she liked it so much.  The service based side of my brain kicked into “if she’s happy with it, then i should accept it” and its not like i’m traumatized for life, but what I did enjoy about it (girls in assertive roles, the kinda thrill from things scary) is stuff I can get from other non-butt poke acts.

and I think that’s why a lot of subs will do it, because they think they have to, to get what they want. Which is the case with someone like her. Not with someone like me, as you’ve already figured out.

Plus you gotta lead up to that sort of thing, you can’t just go straight to ramming it in.

Google thinks i need a prostate exam now.

The most awkward part of that whole relationship was picking out the strapon.  We went to a sex store (my first time buying anything at one), and browsed.  She wanted one that both made me fear for my butt, and looked much too real.  I got her to scale things back and get something that didn’t look like actual cock.

I think that’s when I started having second thoughts about the whole deal.  Or at least realizing that “nice girl who’s kinky” was not adequate for dating purposes, and i needed better criteria.

That’s just the wrong way to go about it. Entirely. If you’re scared, you’re never going to relax, and then it’s just going to be painful and not fun. Domme fail on her part, although from the sound of it, the comfort of the sub wasn’t something she was concerned with.

I don’t know if it was a lack of concern, I think it might have been just she was fairly new (having been partners with more experienced people), and I was totally new minus some pretty light play.

And well clearly then I needed to get my first buttpokes from you.  Or at least someone more versed in comfort.

Ha. Well if I ever decide to do such things, I promise to ease you into it. It’s not at the top of my “must do” list though, and I think you’re rather fine with that.

I know you care for me lots.  I’m pretty comfortable whatever you want to try, as i know it will be done safely, with all sorts of concern for my well being.

Which is yet another reason submitting to you is so lovely.

It’s been about 4 years since I did such things. I haven’t decided if it’s something I want to do again or not.
I hate the phone today.

I will love you either way.  Not that it was in doubt, it was just a good time to mention that again.

Just please avoid the creepy looking poking implements if you choose to try it again.

Stupid jerkphone.

No creepy looking poking implements.  Or large ones. Also no penis-shaped ones, as that’s just wrong. So wrong.

Ugh.  I know.  I like girls and girlish things.  Girls really don’t need anything super guy like about them.

I’ve seen some of the large ones, or heard claims about them on rubberpal and stuff.  Def scary things in the bad way.

I think of terms of myself: Would I want that in my butt? No? Then why in the world would I force it on someone else? At some point, it stops feeling good, and ventures into “ow” and “potentially damaging.” Unless you’re a hardcore masochist, there’s really no point.

It’s stuff like that though that makes you so attractive as a dominant.  I can surrender because I’m not going to have to run away screaming because you’re trying to insert an egg timer up my butt. You care about my health, happiness, and just stuff like that means i can surrender without fear, or needing to make exceptions.

You really should never have to make exceptions, or break your personal rules and limits.
You should go to bed now though, as it is way past your bedtime. I’ll email you tonight so you’ll have something to wake up to.
I love you very much, and will talk to you in the morning.
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